Golden Threads
In the tapestry of life, there isn’t just one golden thread, but many interwoven strands. To start on this journey, simply get curious, turn towards your inner world, and begin the delicate task of unraveling. The entry is simple; start anywhere. Start exactly where you are, at this very moment.
In the tapestry of my life, a golden thread surrounded me. I started dancing and performing at age four. My childhood unfolded in a world of costumes, stages, lights, sequins, auditions, audiences, competitions, and the rhythm of practice and hard work. Within that dedication was a close and supportive community with much joy, laughter, and love. The real golden thread came to be through my mother and her venture into costume design and manufacturing, a business born from years of crafting our dance studio attire.
.
Watching my mother navigate the tumultuous waters of entrepreneurship in the 1980s was profoundly inspiring, fostering a deep sense of pride in her achievements. Yet, the demands of running a manufacturing business can be all-consuming. It forced me into an early autonomy and independence. This set me out into the wider world with the courage to pursue education in another state, engage in global studies, work, and travel. I forged my path. Simultaneously, it instilled a resolute self-sufficiency, declaring “I’m good! I got this!”
This part of my life has two main themes. The artist and entertainer in me felt whole and complete on stage, surrounded by a supportive community. And there’s the daytime diligent, academically-focused student who aspired to the stage of school leadership. Year after year, I would nominate myself for class president. During class elections, we’d lower our heads onto our desks, close our eyes, and raise our hands to vote for our choice. I was always overcome with self-doubt. Would anyone believe in me and my leadership? Without ever earning the votes of confidence, I stopped raising my hand and withdrew from leadership aspirations for more than a decade. Instead, I channeled my energy more deeply into academic pursuits as my future dancing dreams faded. As I lost the support of my dance community and practice, I strived to find the same completeness in school and eventually my career.
And yet life has its own choreography. Leadership eventually found its way into my professional journey. Observing the leaders around me, I adhered to a strategy of hard work, discipline, reliability, and self-sacrifice, ascending to global people and operations management in my twenties. Yet the leaders that served as my role models didn’t always align with my deepest inner values. The more I adopted those behaviors, the more I didn’t feel authentically myself. The self-sufficiency that set me off into the world often prevented me from seeking help and left me struggling to receive any help offered. At the same time, a persistent feeling of wanting and needing to be supported lingered in the background.
The connections running through these stories remained out of sight and awareness until 2019 when my first leadership development retreat illuminated their existence. Engaged in deep reflection and guided by Robert Keagan’s Immunity to Change model, I discovered the “gold in my shadow”. The young dancer who felt seen and alive on stage, seeking influence in class elections, who struggled to find her authentic leadership style at work finally found her invitation. The part of me that clung tight to independence and self-sufficiency could see that asking for help is OK. When you are ready for support, the support arrives. This program created a safe container for learning but more importantly for sharing, reflecting, and dreaming. This led to a commitment. A commitment to guide others through a similar process. Declaring this at the end of three transformational days of learning was unexpected. I began 1:1 coaching with the facilitator. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined leading that leadership training, yet three years later, I found myself presenting and guiding the same program. It is a testament to the transformative powers of such a reflective process and space. A coaching engagement can offer the same. A safe relationship to create a developmental container for yourself, a loosely held vision or commitment where the obstacles, constraints, and patterns can be shared and reflected upon. Learning best happens with reflection from experience, it doesn’t necessarily happen based on experience alone.
Leadership, as I now see it, extends beyond organizational people management. It permeates work relationships, projects, communities, schools, our families, and personal growth. Amidst demands, doubts, and conflicting priorities, leadership emanates from within, fostering a relationship with oneself. The path to self-leadership involves following a golden thread — deepening self-contact, and cultivating self-acceptance, and compassion among other facets of self-care. This is the gateway to authentic self-knowing, a tapestry woven from diverse golden threads, each holding a unique quality ready to support as a resource within. In this intricate design, every thread is indispensable. The support is here. Ready to start?